"WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY CARE?" I scream and cry, pounding against the bricks until my hands are covered in blood, until I collapse to the ground. A heap of shaking sobs and bruised knuckles is all I am. What a sad little excuse for a person I've become.

Beauty in the Breakdown

It's funny, isn't it?
How comfortable something sad can be,
how uncomfortable something welcoming can be.
I find myself clinging to heartbreak.
Oh, what a beautiful thing to be broken.
I think I'm addicted;
I am addicted to the weakest parts of people,
the parts they hide.
I crave that darkness that can only be found way down deep.
I'm fascinated by the scars one tries to cover up.
The sadness in your eyes tells a story -
not one to ever be spoken with words.
But I read it all;
you're so unaware of me devouring every undone bit of your soul.
It's beauty.
Beauty in the breakdown.

i really just want to be okay

Never Leave

i don't wanna feel this anymore.. i can't feel this way anymore.

my heart feels like its exploding and imploding at the same time.

why does it still hurt? why do you still hurt..

the memory of you haunts my every thought, every action, every word spoken.

i need you because i need to feel better.

won't you come home to me now? won't you love me again..?

you could love me again. i know you could.

love me; never leave.

Remember Me Darling

It's getting harder. Every single day it gets harder and harder to handle this.

It keeps getting harder because I know.. I know that it's getting easier for you. It gets harder as I remember more and more while you're starting to forget. I can feel you slipping away, but I can't hold on to you.

It's like my hands are coated in butter and I'm making you slip away faster by how hard I'm trying to hold on.. I'm just squeezing you right out of my greasy, clenched palms.

But I can't hold on anymore and I need you to. I need you to hold on to me because you are all I'm holding on to and I'm not strong enough.. If you don't grab onto me soon I will fall and I won't ever stop. I need you to remember.

Please don't let me go. Please remember our promises, remember you and me - me and you. Remember being together? You promised you wouldn't forget. Remember how I told you I would always need you? I meant it.

Make me feel loved again.

Don't let me go. It's getting harder.

I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, NOT okay.

The Broken Hearted

I could've walked around the world that night. Numb to the feeling of the frigid air. Numb to the feeling of my tired feet aching. Numb to the hunger and thirst that would normally control my body. Numb to all of my desperate thoughts. And numb to the feelings trying to find their way inside and tear me apart. I could've walked around the world that night while the sky cried down on me. Cried as I had been doing for so long; but not anymore. No, I didn't want to feel anymore. I was numb. I was ready to walk myself out of existence. To disappear where no one could ever find me again. But you whispered your way into my thoughts, whispered that I need to come home. You told me that there are people who need me and I can't go quite yet. Whispered to me that I need to feel something. So I did.

I could've walked around the world that night and never stopped. But you brought me back.

Bliss

Cry me a river from those beautiful eyes. Let me dive in the broken waves and swim in the insanity of your brain. I'll sink to the bottom, but don't you dare jump in and try to save me. It's far too late for heroes. This is where I need to be. Here forever will I lie, lost in the dark depths of your mind. Just let me drown. Peacefully I'll fade, fade myself away.

Dark is the Way

It's creeping into every little crack and tiny crevice,
And seeping into all my holes and gaping wounds.
It finds it's way to all the scars left unsown and fills them with the poison.
As it spreads throughout my body,
the blackness covers me and takes ahold.
Everything around has become bitter and frozen.
Icicles surround my broken heart.
The venom consumes my soul and pours out my mouth uncontrollably.
This darkness that has become me is not who I want to be; who I am.
"This isn't me!" I scream,
But my cries are buried inside for nobody to hear.
It's suffocating me and as it pulls me deeper under, drowning me,
I begin to wonder...

Who can save you when no one knows you're dying?

Farewell

I can't handle this. I can't do it. Please don't leave me... Who will I turn to when you're gone? I need you. But I know it's wrong. Farewell my friend, don't be gone too long.

Fairytale Ending

Sometimes I wish my life was like a movie or a book, a happy one. But it's not. You're not gonna show up at my door with roses and tell me that you love me. We're not gonna get in a fight in the pouring rain when suddenly you stop and just kiss me, then give me that look that lets me know we'll be together always. I don't get to run to you and jump in your arms and have you make everything okay. Because we're not okay. We will never be okay, despite my most desperate hopes and dreams. Because you don't love me... And you never will. Not the way I love you. So maybe my life isn't like a book or a movie, not now. And that's really hard for me. But I believe that God has a plan for me, which makes my life a greater story than any movie ever produced and every book ever written; even if I can't see it yet. I'm not okay, not today. But with God's help someday I will be better than okay. He will give me my perfect happy ending. But you can't have your ending when you're still at the very beginning.