No Word

There is no word. Not to describe the way I'm feeling. I think the closest I can come is tired. I'm so tired of crying. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of feeling sad. I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of being sick all the time. I'm tired of things not going right. I'm tired of missing all the ones who've left. I'm tired of living half alive (if you can even call it that). I'm tired of having to force myself to eat and keep it down. I'm tired of having to concentrate on breathing when I know it should come naturally. I'm tired of feeling ugly and fat. I'm tired of not being the person I should have been, the person I know I can be. I'm tired of not living up to expectations and I'm tired of being let down. I'm tired of messing up and and just tired of not being perfect. I'm tired of wishing I was somewhere else, I'm tired of wishing I was someone else. I'm tired of these closed, colorless scars. I'm tired of when people don't care and I'm tired of when they do. I'm tired of pushing away the people I need. I'm tired of trying to do this on my own and I'm tired of asking for help. I'm tired of hurting others and I'm tired of feeling hurt. I'm tired of never knowing what I do or say. I'm tired of not being happy, I'm tired of being broken. I'm just so damn tired of being tired.