Monday, October 1, 2012

Contradictions

Here's the thing...
I don't know what to think. I'm constantly contradicting myself when it comes to you. Everything goes both ways. Is it up or down? Right or left? Backwards or forwards? In or out? Bottom or top? Everything is mixed, my head a jumbled mess. I don't even know what I want anymore...

I am afraid you will move on, and I am scared you will not. I am scared you will quit missing me, and I am frightened you cannot. I am frightened you will forget me, and I am nervous you do not want to. I am nervous you do not ever think about me, and I am worried you do. I am worried you are hurting without me, and I am concerned you are not. I am concerned you will let go, and I am distraught you never will. I am distraught thinking I am not right for you, and I am terrified thinking I could be. I am terrified you will stop loving me, and I am so afraid you always will.

Thing is...
I'm confused and I don't know what to do... Here are the few things I know: I will not move on, I cannot quit missing you, I do not ever want to forget you, I think about you constantly, I am hurting without you, I will never let go, you are right for me, and I love you so very much - and I always will. What to do with all that is where things become a blur, a puzzle with no picture... Should I let you move on and miss someone else? Should I make you forget and stop thinking about me? Should I let someone else heal the hurt? Should I let you let go and find the one that's right for you? If I love you... Should I let you be free to love someone else? I want you to be happy; that is one thing I know for certain.

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